And so it begins...

Hi All!!!  It is time for me to take my own medicine because we are in the midst of a really tough situation with Nathan at school right now.  When God has you in a situation but doesn't open any other doors you realize there is something to be learned, done or taught in the process.  I believe in my heart that we are where we are to effect some change in our preschool to benefit others in the future.  We will stand strong!

My job has also been quite tough and last week was especially stressful. Politics, politics... it is NEVER the kids that push me over the edge!  In all, I am thankful for God's peace: staying calm, only crying a little bit and remaining objective towards achieving my goal!

Unlike similar situations in the past, I am at peace.  It must be that "tough skin" I was talking about in my last post.  I have my ducks in a row, my home team is lined up and we're ready to take this on head-on!!!  I have an amazing couple as my faith partners and prayer warriors. It never ceases to amaze me how God always moves them to act right when I need it when they live miles away and we barely speak. Just yesterday, as I finished firing my emails to the "powers that be" getting ready for another crazy week, I get an email from my friend sharing this link... another family on this path. And there it was: I'm not alone and God is with me!  I share this wonderful website with you: http://thepacepack.com/index.html

I am happy to report that our new special needs ministry, CLJ Buddies, started this past Sunday and was successful!  I am so thankful to God and continue to pray that this will all move smoothly. So far we have 11 people interested in working with us! And God continues to give me peace.  Please send me a message if you want more information!

I am also happy to report that our walk for Autism Speaks is this Sunday and our team has raised almost $5,000!!!!  Praise God!!!!  I can't take any of the credit because one family did the most amazing job at fundraising that I've ever seen!  I am so proud to be on their team! If you are interested in making a donation, please feel free to visit our team page: http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/greaterboston/peaceinthepuzzle

This is not my most eloquent post, nor do I have any witty prose to share with you because I am spent. Our God is an awesome God and He is there to pick us up when we fall down... and when we feel most lost and alone is when He is right by our side.  When the world is crumbling around us we are in His pocket of protection and stand firm holding on to His promises.  This, too, shall pass.  I choose peace, determination and faith. Who's with me???

Blessings!
DC

Old Shoes

Ok, so we all have them...our favorite broken in old shoes that our feet just slide into as if they were a custom-made second skin... You know the ones!

I LOVE my old shoes!!! I have loved and worn them so much that they are no longer wearable. Yes, it is very sad. I hate change! I liked how these used to fit! They were perfect! I didn't even have to lace or buckle them anymore... they beckoned to be worn like slippers made in Heaven!  But those same comfy familiar old shoes now actually hurt my feet. I keep trying to convince myself that it may be my mind playing tricks on me.  "Maybe my feet are just swollen," I try to reason, or "it was just more humid today"...they were still my same old friends! Yet each time I attempted to wear them I felt that same pinch, poke or rub from the worn down materials, telling me they were ready to move on to retirement.

So it's time find a new pair of shoes...not pleasurable but necessary. After what seemed like an endless endeavor I found some I liked. They're not bad... they're actually pretty good! Then it happens: the blisters! A couple of bandaids later I realize these new shoes actually feel pretty darn good, maybe even better than the old ones ever felt...and suddenly my feet have made new best friends!  Those of you who are regular readers of my blog probably know where this is going, but here's a curve ball: sometimes those new shoes don't stop hurting for a long time.

One of my favorite secular singers, Sade, has a beautifully poignant song called "Pearls" that I'd like to dedicate to every mom of a child with special needs. Listen closely to the words. The lyrics are so multidimensional that it may stir a potpourri of emotions and feelings about yourself, about all mothers who struggle, about families in Africa...it may even make you see your life from a different angle and put things into perspective.  I purposely chose a video that has peaceful images unrelated to the song. I'd like for you to create your own mental images as you listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC4jU6dk1oE&feature=related
Hearing Sade belt out that prayer from what seems like the innermost parts of her being stirs my soul every time I hear the song! Did you catch the part that says "Hurts like brand new shoes"?

This week our little man went back to school. Last week he started with a new "teacher" at home. All that was familiar to us is changing at it "hurts like brand new shoes." I've been reflecting on this. Much like the woman in the song we also "live a life we didn't choose" but "it's a force stronger than nature that keeps (our) will alive."  Now, don't get me wrong, I am NOT saying that having a child with special needs even comes close to what these women in Africa must endure to ensure the mere survival of their families. I just like the lyrics and can identify with certain parts of the song.  Let's all keep praying for the terrible famine in the African Horn. How many of us have found ourselves crying out to God in that moment of despair? "WHY?!?!?" is the default response when things don't go our way: bad things happen, plans change, etc.

Or lives are like those old comfy shoes. We'd stay in that same comfort zone forever... why even think of change? As parents of kids on the autism spectrum, it is SO easy to fall into that trap of just staying home where everything is safe, no one is judging or giving unsolicited advice, things are familiar and so much easier to control! But we inadvertently feed into our kids' rigidity and social disconnection, making it even harder to try something new and different or attend social events in the future.  I admit I fall into this trap quite frequently. Thankfully I am blessed with a husband who repeatedly gives me reality checks and pushes me to try things outside of my comfort zone. And guess what? More often than not, our little guy has loved it and so have I! When he hasn't loved it, we've at least tried something new and can chalk it up to experience! I am reminded to the beautiful book Dancing with Max by Emily Colson. She shares her experience of reaching that point in her life with her son, Max and describes the freedom and joy they discovered together.

When we get too comfy, God tosses little things in the way to get us to move, to change. But just like those old shoes you keep going back, convincing yourself that it's fine and that "things will go back to normal." Until the situation, much like those old shoes, becomes unbearable. God will keep sending louder messages until you have no choice but to dump the old and try the new. I'm sure you've heard the term "thicker skin." Well, thicker skin is officially/technically called a callous. Do you know how callouses develop? They are a result of repeated irritation, a sort of skin's defense mechanism of growing extra layers to.. guess what? PROTECT that same spot from harm the next time it's irritated. Hmm... you still asking "why?"

I can't say that our "new" right now will become "the" comfy place to be... we are still in the "oh, this is not so bad" stage.  I know there will be blisters, things that rub the wrong way and readjustments to make. But like the woman in the song, I will cry out "Halleluiah" to "the Heavens above" even when I feel like "there is a stone in my heart."  I'm "living a life (I) didn't choose... and it hurts like brand new shoes" but my song doesn't end there because I am trusting in God's promises: Hebrews 10:36-39, 1 Kings 8:56, Hebrews 6:13-20 .

Even if ultimately those "new shoes" don't end up as cozy as the old ones... be sure that God will toss in some "gel inserts" to help cushion your walk until your next new pair of shoes!

Have a blessed day!

Oh Love! (Reprise)

Hi everyone! In all our hectic lives, I realize my last post may have been way too long for most of us to read.  So I am reposting an abridged version of it today... If you read it and want to know more, check out the original post!

Have you seen the Disney/Pixar movie Rattatouille? There is a scene where Remy is trying to explain to his brother, Emille, how he sees colors and fireworks when he savors delicious food...and how the joy, pleasure and experience are enhanced by the complexity of combining certain flavors together (though his brother prefers to gulp down garbage).

Yes, I admit I am a foodie, or "food snob" as some have called me. My favorite pizza is called Figaro and is a coal brick oven roasted pie with no sauce but a delectable combination of prosciutto, fresh figs, shaved aged Parmesan cheese, gorgonzola and topped with fresh arugula. It's a meal I am just not able to experience without closing my eyes to savor every single one of the unique flavors that come together in such beautiful harmony that even after a few slices each bite is as good as the first.

This is exactly how I feel when I hear certain praise and worship songs. There are certain songs that I am just not able to fully appreciate without closing my eyes and reveling in every note that blends together with the others in a beautiful tapestry of expression towards our Lord Jesus Christ. By far, the song which inevitably triggers this effect is the Gaither Vocal Band's rendition of the classic hymn "Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go." I can't even listen while I drive because I have to stop to close my eyes and savor every note in the tantalizing arrangement of harmonies.

I decided to do some research online about the lyrics and history of this hymn.  The author, George Matheson, was going blind yet was said to have written this hymn in 5 minutes the night before his sister's wedding while he recalled being deserted by his fiancee who "refused to live life with a blind man."  Here is some of what I learned: Looking back over his life, he once wrote that his was “an obstructed life, a circumscribed life… but a life of quenchless hopefulness, a life which has beaten persistently against the cage of circumstance... How could he maintain quenchless hopefulness in the midst of such circumstances and trials? His hymn gives us a clue. “I trace the rainbow in the rain, and feel the promise is not vain” The rainbow image is not for him “If the Lord gives you lemons make lemonade” but a picture of the Lord’s commitment that he is with us, even through the flood!


WOW!!!! That is an AMAZING testimony of true peace in the midst of one's struggles. Today I leave you with a link to a fabulous interview with one of my favorite Christian artists, David Phelps, who just happened to begin his career with the Gaither Vocal Band and arranged their accapella version of this song. Towards the end of the interview he talks about the joy he felt creating this arrangement, taking every note as a different color with a paintbrush combining them into beautiful harmonies...WOW! Right after the interview you can hear them sing the song live...double WOW!!! Take a few minutes, turn up the sound and enjoy the beautiful masterpiece in honor of our Lord and Savior:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKAmREH5btQ&feature=related

Like Remy taking time to "savor" and truly experience every aspect of the art of food, we as Christians need to take the time to seek out, "savor" and truly experience our time with God.  This is what truly bring us to the place where we can experience the absolute joy and peace that only He can give us, like in the case of the author of this hymn.  Too often we are like Emille, gobbling down garbage that we think will feed our souls and bring us peace when it's just not what we need... or worse, to just "dabble" in our time with God and only get to see a mere glimmer of the beauty in the experience.  Our lives are crazy, our lives are stressed... and the only way we can make it through is to seek His face, intimate time with our Lord, in order to get the peace we need and recharge our batteries to take on another day.  I pray this brief anecdote will help you reflect in the time you share with God.
Have a  blessed day!

Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Have you seen the Disney/Pixar movie Rattatouille? There is a scene where Remy is trying to explain to his brother how he sees colors and fireworks when he savors delicious food...and how the joy, pleasure and experience are enhanced by the complexity of combining certain flavors together.
Remy seeing colors
Remy teaching Emille

Yes, I admit I am a foodie, or "food snob" as some have called me. My favorite pizza is called Figaro and is a coal brick oven roasted pie with no sauce but a delectable combination of prosciutto, fresh figs, shaved aged Parmesan cheese, gorgonzola and topped with fresh arugula. It's a meal I am just not able to experience without closing my eyes to savor every single one of the unique flavors that come together in such beautiful harmony that even after a few slices each bite is as good as the first.

This is exactly how I feel when I hear certain praise and worship songs. There are certain songs that I am just not able to fully appreciate without closing my eyes and reveling in every note that blends together with the others in a beautiful tapestry of expression towards our Lord Jesus Christ. By far, the song which inevitably triggers this effect is the Gaither Vocal Band's rendition of the classic hymn "Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go." I can't even listen while I drive because I have to stop to close my eyes and savor every note in the tantalizing arrangement of harmonies. Today I decided to do some research online about the lyrics and history of this hymn. Here is what I learned...lyrics AND history:

O Love, that wilt not let me go
by George Matheson

O Love that wilt not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

History of Hymn
“O Love That Will Not Let Me Go” written on the evening of Matheson’s sister’s marriage. His whole family had gone to the wedding and left him alone. He writes of something which happened to him that caused immense mental anguish. There is a story of how years before, he had been engaged until his fiancé learned that he was going blind and there was nothing the doctors could do. She told him that she could not go through life with a blind man. He went blind while studying for the ministry, and his sister had been the one who had taken care of him all these years, but now she is gone. He had been a brilliant student, some say that if he hadn’t gone blind he could have been the leader of the church of Scotland in his day. He had written a learned work on German theology and then wrote “The Growth of The Spirit of Christianity.” Louis Benson says this was a brilliant book but with some major mistakes in it. When some critics pointed out the mistakes and charged him with being an inaccurate student he was heartbroken. One of his friends wrote, “When he saw that for the purposes of scholarship his blindness was a fatal hindrance, he withdrew from the field – not without pangs, but finally.” So he turned to the pastoral ministry, and the Lord richly blessed him, finally bringing him to a church where he regularly preached to over 1500 people each week. But he was only able to do this because of the care of his sister and now she was married and gone. Who will care for him, a blind man? Not only that, but his sister’s marriage brought fresh reminder of his own heartbreak, over his fiancé’s refusal to “go through life with a blind man.” It is in the midst of this circumstance and intense sadness that the Lord gives him this hymn – written, he says, in 5 minutes! Looking back over his life, he once wrote that his was “an obstructed life, a circumscribed life… but a life of quenchless hopefulness, a life which has beaten persistently against the cage of circumstance, and which even at the time of abandoned work has said not “Good night” but “Good morning.” How could he maintain quenchless hopefulness in the midst of such circumstances and trials? His hymn gives us a clue. “I trace the rainbow in the rain, and feel the promise is not vain” The rainbow image is not for him “If the Lord gives you lemons make lemonade” but a picture of the Lord’s commitment! It is a picture of the battle bow that appears when the skies are darkening and threaten to open up and flood the world again in judgment. But then we see that the battle bow is turned not towards us – but toward the Lord Himself!

Matheson said about this hymn:

My hymn was com­posed in the manse of In­ne­lan [Ar­gyle­shire, Scot­land] on the ev­en­ing of the 6th of June, 1882, when I was 40 years of age. I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the night of my sister’s mar­ri­age, and the rest of the fam­i­ly were stay­ing over­night in Glas­gow. Some­thing hap­pened to me, which was known only to my­self, and which caused me the most se­vere men­tal suf­fer­ing. The hymn was the fruit of that suf­fer­ing. It was the quick­est bit of work I ever did in my life. I had the im­press­ion of hav­ing it dic­tat­ed to me by some in­ward voice ra­ther than of work­ing it out my­self. I am quite sure that the whole work was com­plet­ed in five min­utes, and equal­ly sure that it ne­ver re­ceived at my hands any re­touch­ing or cor­rect­ion. I have no na­tur­al gift of rhy­thm. All the other vers­es I have ever writ­ten are man­u­fact­ured ar­ti­cles; this came like a day­spring from on high.

WOW!!!! That is an AMAZING testimony of true peace in the midst of one's struggles. Today I leave you with a link to a fabulous interview with one of my favorite Christian artists, David Phelps, who just happened to begin his career with the Gaither Vocal Band and arranged their accapella version of this song. Towards the end of the interview he talks about the joy he felt creating this arrangement, taking every note as a different color with a paintbrush combining them into beautiful harmonies...WOW! Right after the interview you can hear them sing the song live...double WOW!!! Take a few minutes, turn up the sound and enjoy the beautiful masterpiece in honor of our Lord and Savior:
Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go- Performed by The Gaither Vocal Band, Arranged by David Phelps

Like Remy, taking time to "savor" and truly experience every aspect of the art of food, we as Christians need to take the time to seek out, "savor" and truly experience our time with God.  This is what truly bring us to the place where we can experience the absolute joy and peace that only He can give us, like in the case of the author of this hymn.  Too often we are like Emille, gobbling down garbage that we think will feed our souls and bring us peace when it's just not what we need... or worse, to just "dabble" in our time with God and only get to see a mere glimmer of the beauty in the experience.  Our lives are crazy, our lives are stressed... and the only way we can make it through is to seek His face, intimate time with our Lord, in order to get the peace we need and recharge our batteries to take on another day.  I pray this brief anecdote will help you reflect in the time you share with God.
Have a  blessed day!

The Family Vacation: Blame it on Cancun!

Hi Everyone!  I wanted to share a wonderful short/mini video that my husband made on iMovie from the video we took on our vacation.  I hope you love it as much as we do!

Cancun Trailer

Have a blessed day!

Wearing 4 hats and tinted glasses

Photo courtesy of caplanmiller.com

Me on our balcony in Cancun!

If everyone could see the world through these eyes...

The "reality" of daily life for parents/caregivers of children with special needs is SO skewed from the norm that it really takes someone in the same shoes to truly appreciate the scope of it.  For years I worked with a family with the MOST AMAZING child who just happened to have cerebral palsy. Although his body often could not do what he wanted it to do, he more than made up for it in personality, intellect, humor and wit!  The joy I felt in helping him accomplish the tiniest of things by tapping into his interests was amazing and almost addictive (you'd understand if you saw that smile!). I worked with this family and child for 6 years and frequently heard about their home life... how hard his mom worked just to help him do the simplest of tasks which we all take for granted.
SIX YEARS... yet it wasn't until I had my own child with special needs that I could grasp the immensity of their daily lives! The more I got to know this child and his family (particularly his mom), the more I learned about the sacrifice, guilt, rejection, exclusion yet over-joyous unconditional love they had experienced. I crossed many co-workers and burned several bridges by standing up, speaking out, advocating and sometimes even fighting for this family and it was all well worth it... but I still did not "see."

I view the world through such different lenses since my little man's birth and subsequent diagnosis. I know the feeling of mistrust when you, as a mom, insist something is not right with your child yet everyone around you tells you to relax and "just let your child grow up!" I know what it's like to entrust your child to professionals who may have book knowledge but they just don't "get it." I know what it is like to have an almost supernatural bond with your child... it is not pathological, it just shows that your child recognizes that you are the ultimate pillar of support, protection, safety and understanding when the rest of the world just does not "get it." 1 Thes. 2:6-8 

This week I felt the incredible weight of my "4 hats" now that I see the world through such different lenses. Being a mom of a child with special needs, a therapist in charge of the progress of 50 children with special needs, being the leader of a special needs ministry now entrusted with the spiritual growth of at least 5 amazing kids with special needs AND being team leader for our Autism Speaks walk team... WOW!

In all I know God does not give us more than we can handle. 1 Cor 10:12-14  I know He's given me these lenses to see through in order to better balance my 4 hats. John 9:24-26 Our recent trip to Cancun reminded me of the concept of balancing hats. The Mexican "sombreros" fit perfectly together and stack quite nicely. I wear 4 hats in all, but by finding their commonalities (like the similar shapes of each of the sombreros) I can better balance them stacked one on top of the other.

I also discovered that stacking sombreros against a wall, and even in a corner, helps them balance best. Hmm... So when I feel like my back is against the wall or I am backed into a corner I need to remember that in those moments God is supporting me and He is teaching me to better balance my hats! So I've reached a conclusion: instead of struggling to balance my hats all on my own, I will ask for support from those around me and rely on God to always have His hands of protection over everything I do. Psalm 18:17-19  Ezra 8:21-22 When you shift your eyes from your focus, look back or look down, your hats will fall off and make a huge mess! Phil. 3:12-15 Psalm 141:8 Psalm 81:6-7  {Notice I haven't even mentioned my other two hats: wife and home maker-- those I'll call my swimming caps one on top of the other under my pile of sombreros! Well, only one since my husband does most of the house work! He's the BEST!} Proverbs 14:1

I pray that with each of my posts I can help others start to see a bit of what it's like behind these lenses so you can better support those around you who are in need. Rom. 15:1-3  That my words can help at least one of you find the commonalities in all of your hats so they will be easier to balance... but especially that you will feel encouraged to let God carry the weight of your hats as you walk this crazy walk! Psalm 55:22 Don't be afraid to ask for help... and to offer help when you see others struggling with THEIR hats. Not everyone has strong enough necks, especially if they are just starting to wear multiple hats! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Have a blessed day!