March 5th is always a bittersweet day for me. The "sweet" part is the SWEETEST, because it's son's birthday! The "bitter" part is quite bitter, as it's also the day I lost the ability to have any more children and nearly lost my life in the process. I can't begin to explain how hard it is sometimes to think back to the day my baby was born. Reliving the euphoria of finally having a child after such a long wait only to be thrown into the pit of depression of knowing it would never happen again is almost too much for my mind to take. For all purposes I shouldn't be here. Had I been at a different hospital, or had this happened in another place or time I would have missed out on seeing my son grow up. To think of my husband raising my beloved child alone having lost me is even harder to wrap my head around. I don't stop thanking God for giving me back to my family. Every new day is truly a gift from God!
So, in essence, on March 5th two new lives began: my son's and mine. I was given what many call "a second chance." Funny how people use that term so loosely. I do believe that I began a new life that day. You see, the little man was never an easy baby. He has taken up 100% of my time, strength and energy from the day he came home from the hospital. My life as I knew it was over. It had just been my "training" for what was to come. I was set on a marathon path that would take the greatest persistence and endurance possible... but God already knew that!
In the Bible we find several references to the term "rebirth," but it's the passage in Acts 5:17-21 that I choose to focus on. In this chapter we find the apostles in prison (again!) and they are freed by an angel of the Lord. The angel gives them specific instructions: "Go, stand in the temple courts...and tell the people the full message of this new life." What?!?! The temple courts?!?!? That was going right into to the backyard of the same folks who'd put them in jail to begin with. But God wanted to use this bad situation to give testimony of His power.
As time passes it becomes more and more apparent to me what my mission is in this "new life." My son's life has given my life a clearer purpose. I need to tell people the story of what God has done for me and my family! In my heart I know God is using my son's diagnosis for a greater plan. I think of all the amazing things that God has allowed me to do in this "new life," like: #1 being the mom of the most amazing little guy on the planet (I know, I'm biased!), fundraising for Autism Speaks, being able to encourage other parents whose lives are touched by ASD, starting the special needs children's ministry at our church, counseling numerous parents of kids with special needs in regards to their legal rights based on special education law, starting this blog, writing my book... the list just keeps going! Perhaps I am rebuilding AS I stand in the midst of our challenges to tell others about what God has done for us in this "new life."
March 5th IS a major milestone for our family. It was the day that two new and precious lives began. Surely not what we'd planned, but certainly lives I LOVE to tell others about!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!